Only Mom Knows – But Hopefully Can Share with Dad Soon

It is each the LGBTQ person's story and honoring your child's willingness to share is important. When they are ready, try to be there to help.

  • Briefly describe how your child first came out to you and your initial reactions.

  • My son, just 2 weeks shy of his 15th birthday, handed me a note and asked me to read it in private. In this note, he professed that he is transgender and has felt this way since 5th grade. I was floored. He had never shown an attraction to any of the typical girl stuff. He was always into hot wheels, toy soldiers and the strategic battle games on the computer.
    His last line on the note was “please come talk to me when you are ready”. I went (ran) to him in a heartbeat, with no idea what to say, but what just spilled out of me was “I love you, I’m your mama, and I will be your champion through this”. While he had been so heartbreakingly aloof and distant with me for the past few years, we are now so close that the love I have for him is so much more profoundly deeper.

  • What concerns did you experience over the first weeks or months? How did you deal with them?

  • He is not ready to share this “outing” with anyone else – not even his dad, which is a struggle for me, because I feel the need to confess/ share with my husband. I feel like I’m hiding a secret, but then I realize it’s not my secret to share. Reading your guides helped me understand that it’s up to my son to decide when he’s comfortable telling others – even with his dad.
    I foresee a lot of negativity from his paternal grandfather, who can be quite condescending and opinionated. I have all the worries listed in your guides but thank you for affirming that I’m rational and on the right track.

  • Has your child come out to other family members over time?

  • No

  • What is the hardest thing about knowing their LGBTQ identity?

  • The most immediate hardest thing is my son’s request not to share this confession with his dad, because I know it will be very difficult for my husband to process. But at the same time, he is one of the most rational people I’ve ever met. Coming out to dad won’t be an angry, upset situation, but he needs to read your guide too.

  • What are some challenges have you faced concerning your LGBTQ child? How did you deal with these?

  • We’re not there yet…

  • What is the best thing about knowing your child's LGBTQ identity?

  • Still figuring it out….

  • Knowing what you know today, would you want your child to “stay in the closet”? Why?

  • No! because I finally have an open flow of honest communication with my child. Our love is stronger and I’ve been missing this for a long time.

  • What would you say to other parents learning the LGBTQ identity of their child?

  • The announcement can come out of left field, but love and embrace them FIRST and then get busy talking and learning.

  • What would you say to youth coming out to their families?

  • not there yet…

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Strong Family Alliance seeks to share stories that illustrate the wide variety of experiences families and LGBTQ youth experience, so other parents will know they’re not alone in their journey.

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