Mother struggles as child struggles to determine identity.

I believe she is confused and I don't want to force her. I'm finding the path day by day.

  • Briefly describe how your child first came out to you and your initial reactions.

  • My daughter who is only 10 years old did not come out to me herself. I found out by reading a chat that she had on my phone with a girl she has known for past 2 years. Girls lives in another state but apparently they have become closer. I spoke to her about it and she denied it at first, she felt embarrassed, she left with her head down. I gave her some time to process and I spoke to her, choosing my words and told her I loved her no matter who she liked. I told her I wanted her to feel supported by me. Asked her if she wanted to talk to someone about it. She doesn’t want to, says she thinks it’s a phase that she hopes in the future she will like just boys, she says she actually likes both girls and boys but thinks she can choose boys in the future. I believe she is confused and I don’t want to force her, but I think she should speak to a specialist in gender identity and sexuality. I’m just confused and a little sad. I feel I don’t want her to go through hardships in life and I believe she will living in this society where being gay is looked upon as being bad. I’m looking for guidance as I don’t know what else to tell her. Thankfully our day went on as usual, we laughed, we heard music, nothing has changed. She was the sweet girl she has always been! Deep inside I am scared for her, for her future.

  • What concerns did you experience over the first weeks or months? How did you deal with them?

  • I am concerned about her not accepting and acknowledging she likes boys and girls. She feels ashamed and embarrassed and I don’t want her to feel that way.

  • Has your child come out to other family members over time?

  • No.

  • What is the hardest thing about knowing their LGBTQ identity?

  • Hardest thing has been to re think her future, and the battles she will face.

  • What are some challenges have you faced concerning your LGBTQ child? How did you deal with these?

  • My recent challenge has been to get her to be honest about it. She is in denial still. Doesn’t want to acknowledge it, she thinks she will change in the future. Feels embarrassed. Not sure if it’s because she is so young. She’s is only 10.

  • What is the best thing about knowing your child's LGBTQ identity?

  • I think knowing the truth.

  • Knowing what you know today, would you want your child to “stay in the closet”? Why?

  • No I wouldn’t want that for her. I do think it is too early to come out to other people as she is only a 10 year old child. For now, I want her to feel comfortable about liking boys and girls and not think it is something bad.

  • What would you say to other parents learning the LGBTQ identity of their child?

  • Try to be loving and supportive.

  • What would you say to youth coming out to their families?

  • Be strong! And stay true to yourselves.

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