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Supporting Daughter who supports the LGBTQ community

Our 21 year daughter is straight but has been dating a boy who we were told is bi-sexual. She has voiced her support of the LGBTQ community for many years now, but her new relation has brought about some actions that are affecting the harmony in our household and making me question my position.. “Am I not being supportive”? In a show of support, she hung an item showing the pride colors in a common space of our home. Sadly, without hesitation I asked her to remove it, and in place, hang it in her room.
I have only respect for everyone in the LGBTQ community, but I just don’t feel the need to support it by hanging a symbol in my home. Sadly, my fear is offending grandparents and other guests who are not as open about acceptance. My action was just aimed at keeping my home a neutral space for all. Now, my action prompted my daughter to call me a bigot and shut down any further conversations. I believe up front she new I would have a concern with this and did it to get a reaction, but does my action make me bigot? Should I be open to a show of support in my home? Should I be less concerned about the grandparents and others feelings toward this symbol when in my home? I do believe it’s ones actions that show if they support or discriminate against others. By not advertising personnel opinions and being respectful when face to face I’ve remained outwardly neutral. I understand I shouldn’t expect my daughter to be the same, but should I allow this to be front and center in my house?

Support for parents of LGBTQ Forums Discussion Forum Supporting Daughter who supports the LGBTQ community

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    • Awarden
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      #4573

      Our 21 year daughter is straight but has been dating a boy who we were told is bi-sexual. She has voiced her support of the LGBTQ community for many years now, but her new relation has brought about some actions that are affecting the harmony in our household and making me question my position.. “Am I not being supportive”? In a show of support, she hung an item showing the pride colors in a common space of our home. Sadly, without hesitation I asked her to remove it, and in place, hang it in her room.
      I have only respect for everyone in the LGBTQ community, but I just don’t feel the need to support it by hanging a symbol in my home. Sadly, my fear is offending grandparents and other guests who are not as open about acceptance. My action was just aimed at keeping my home a neutral space for all. Now, my action prompted my daughter to call me a bigot and shut down any further conversations. I believe up front she new I would have a concern with this and did it to get a reaction, but does my action make me bigot? Should I be open to a show of support in my home? Should I be less concerned about the grandparents and others feelings toward this symbol when in my home? I do believe it’s ones actions that show if they support or discriminate against others. By not advertising personnel opinions and being respectful when face to face I’ve remained outwardly neutral. I understand I shouldn’t expect my daughter to be the same, but should I allow this to be front and center in my house?


    • Jackson Alder
      Moderator
      #4591

      Hi there! We agree that someone’s actions show if they support others like LGBTQ+ people, but something like having a small item that has a pride flag on it can be one of those actions. For LGBTQ+ folks who may enter your home, like your daughter’s partner, it can signal that your house may be a safe space for them to be themselves or that you’re a supportive person to LGBTQ+ people.
      Extended family can be challenging if they are not as open about acceptance or are not accepting at all, but something like this can also spark dialogue and may help those folks become more accepting. We can’t tell you if you should or shouldn’t do something in your own home, but we can help give another view on why your daughter might have been upset.

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