Topic:

Struggle with Hygeine

Hello everyone! New member here looking to see if anyone can answer some questions for me.

I am struggling with how to approach my sibling who is part of the LGBTQ family and need a little help. My sibling was assigned female at birth and now goes by “they/them” and has talked of transitioning someday. Ever since I can remember my sibling has never been into anything like hair, makeup, etc but I remember distinctly when we were kids my sibling needed “alarms” on their phone to remind them to brush their teeth/shower. As a child this was never an issue but as my sibling got older (they are 21 now), hygiene became a big issue.

I understand my sibling may not feel fully comfortable in their body, they wear a binder and have short hair, talking constantly about dreams of transitioning to male someday,however, I wonder if anyone else has experienced difficulty with a loved one refusing to take care of their body/hygiene at all?

My sibling stays with my boyfriend and I sometimes and, I feel horrible even saying it, but the odor is unbearable. When we lay out sheets and pillows they are stained yellow and smell no matter how much we wash them. I have to apologize in advance to guests we have over when they are staying with us. Their teeth are browned and have a thick layer of plaque across them. My mother is a dental hygienist and (my parents are fully supportive of them as well) but I can tell she is extremely bothered by it. I worry my sibling will develop gum disease or rotting teeth. My boyfriend protests any time my sibling needs to stay over for a while. I try to set out towels for showering, but they have stayed with us for 7+ days without so much as touching a toothbrush/soap.

I love my sibling to death and I want to be able to help and understand but I don’t know how long I can keep offering our apartment when the odors stay lingering days after. I try to avoid the room they are in when they stay with us.

I feel awful because I know not feeling happy or comfortable in your body can cause hygiene neglect/depression symptoms. I feel like I have to approach the issue somehow but I just don’t know how to do it without hurting my siblings feelings. Has anyone ever dealt with this with someone who is transitioning? Is there anything I can do? If so, how can I help?