Topic:

Looking for advice / wisdom on how to support gender expansive teen

Hi. My son (he prefers he/him pronouns) has told me he wants to start taking estrogen and testosterone suppressant. He wants a more feminine body. He wants breasts. He doesn’t want to be female. He is almost 18 and so he doesn’t need my permission, but I’d like to be supportive, but I’m feeling a little stumped by this. I’m having a hard time wrapping my cis-gendered hetero brain around the gender he wants.

I would not have been surprised if he had told me he wanted to become a woman. There have been signs and discussions since he was 5 or 6 years old, but every time I asked he told me that he was sure he wants to be a boy. He still wants to be a boy (now a man), but he now he is clear that he wants a feminine body and breasts.

The hormones seem like a risky first step. It seems to me it makes sense to take some tentative steps first: like a padded bra, make-up, shaved legs. He doesn’t want to do any of these things. He still dresses masculine. We are a crunchy family. I get that he does not want to be femme. Femme doesn’t fit his happy-in-a-forest-with-nothing-but-a-tarp vibe. Still, there are ways to be more feminine without hormones. At least as a first step. He disagrees.

There are a number of parents of trans teens in the neighborhood whom I know well-ish, but I can’t talk to them because my son doesn’t want to disclose anything outside the family yet.

I’m hoping there are some words of wisdom, kindness, encouragement and maybe even some shared experiences on this forum. This is going to be a lonely journey if I need to support my kid through this without talking to anyone for advice!

thanks

Support for parents of LGBTQ Forums Discussion Forum Looking for advice / wisdom on how to support gender expansive teen

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    • momofteen
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      Hi. My son (he prefers he/him pronouns) has told me he wants to start taking estrogen and testosterone suppressant. He wants a more feminine body. He wants breasts. He doesn’t want to be female. He is almost 18 and so he doesn’t need my permission, but I’d like to be supportive, but I’m feeling a little stumped by this. I’m having a hard time wrapping my cis-gendered hetero brain around the gender he wants.

      I would not have been surprised if he had told me he wanted to become a woman. There have been signs and discussions since he was 5 or 6 years old, but every time I asked he told me that he was sure he wants to be a boy. He still wants to be a boy (now a man), but he now he is clear that he wants a feminine body and breasts.

      The hormones seem like a risky first step. It seems to me it makes sense to take some tentative steps first: like a padded bra, make-up, shaved legs. He doesn’t want to do any of these things. He still dresses masculine. We are a crunchy family. I get that he does not want to be femme. Femme doesn’t fit his happy-in-a-forest-with-nothing-but-a-tarp vibe. Still, there are ways to be more feminine without hormones. At least as a first step. He disagrees.

      There are a number of parents of trans teens in the neighborhood whom I know well-ish, but I can’t talk to them because my son doesn’t want to disclose anything outside the family yet.

      I’m hoping there are some words of wisdom, kindness, encouragement and maybe even some shared experiences on this forum. This is going to be a lonely journey if I need to support my kid through this without talking to anyone for advice!

      thanks

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