Topic:

FTM Trans teen sleepovers

My son came out to me as transgender two years ago, and it has completely changed my whole life as a mom. There was a period I mourned my daughter and all those mother daughter moments we would not get, but I never blinked an eye to accept my son. He however, has struggled with so much since he came out and it breaks my heart as his mom.

So, I have searched for resources. We found a great therapist (through trial and error) to help with the gender dysmorphia and anxiety he experiences as a trans teen. We experimented with different hair styles and clothing (more trial and error). And recently even got him into an endocrinologist to talk about hormone therapy. However, every day there seems to be a new struggle as a trans mom I don’t quite know how to handle.

It’s the day to day struggles I seem unable to navigate. Recently, he has been trying to make more cis-male friendships which help him feel like he is “passing”. Last week, he had a cis-male friend over to play video games and now wants to have a sleep over. I have expressed to him that I am not comfortable with it, but I know this won’t be the last we discuss this.

Does anyone have advice on how to deal with these kinds of friendships? Am I in the wrong saying no? Is there a better way to handle this?

Support for parents of LGBTQ › Forums › Discussion Forum › FTM Trans teen sleepovers

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    • proud trans mom
      Participant
      July 10, 2023 at 10:50 pm
      #4501

      My son came out to me as transgender two years ago, and it has completely changed my whole life as a mom. There was a period I mourned my daughter and all those mother daughter moments we would not get, but I never blinked an eye to accept my son. He however, has struggled with so much since he came out and it breaks my heart as his mom.

      So, I have searched for resources. We found a great therapist (through trial and error) to help with the gender dysmorphia and anxiety he experiences as a trans teen. We experimented with different hair styles and clothing (more trial and error). And recently even got him into an endocrinologist to talk about hormone therapy. However, every day there seems to be a new struggle as a trans mom I don’t quite know how to handle.

      It’s the day to day struggles I seem unable to navigate. Recently, he has been trying to make more cis-male friendships which help him feel like he is “passing”. Last week, he had a cis-male friend over to play video games and now wants to have a sleep over. I have expressed to him that I am not comfortable with it, but I know this won’t be the last we discuss this.

      Does anyone have advice on how to deal with these kinds of friendships? Am I in the wrong saying no? Is there a better way to handle this?


    • Jackson Alder
      Moderator
      August 16, 2023 at 2:06 pm
      #4524

      It’s great that you found a good therapist and are working through things together. An important question to think about with the sleepover is: Would you say no if he was not transgender?
      Think about what causes your discomfort around it. If he had been born a cis-male, would you say yes to the sleepover? These are all important questions to think about that may help you understand your feelings around it better. Talk to your son about it, too! Explain your discomfort and see how you can both come to an agreement or compromise so that you both feel comfortable and happy with the decision.

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