5 Reasons We’re Grateful for Our LGBTQ+ Children
10.30.2024When a child comes out, it’s common for parents to describe the loss and grief they feel as a result of the news. While this is a perfectly normal part of the process, it’s easy to get stuck in those negative feelings about how hard things are going to be for you and your child. In honor of gratitude month, we want to turn this idea around, and list some of the reasons why having an LGBTQ+ child is actually a wonderful, eye-opening experience that changes your life for the better.
My LGBTQ+ child helps me be more empathetic and understanding towards the LGBTQ+ community
My parents who share their stories with SFA talk about how much their views about LGBTQ+ people changed after their child came out. One mother of a trans son talks about how before her child came out, she was not supportive of gay rights or transgender people. A father reflects on how his view of God and the church shifted dramatically after finding out his son was gay.
It is one thing to have a relative or friend who is LGBTQ+, but when a child comes out those of us who are open to change have no choice but to let our lives and our worldviews be turned upside-down. Parents across the political spectrum are forced, sometimes overnight, to come to terms with the fact that issues that seemed distant actually affect us in a profound way.
Those of us who accept our LGBTQ+ kids and love them for who they are also make room in our hearts for more empathy, kindness, and compassion for everyone in the LGBTQ+ community. How could we not be grateful to our LGBTQ+ children for the opportunity to become better people in this complicated, messy world?
It’s a joy and an inspiration to see my child live authentically
The movement for LGBTQ+ rights has made great strides in the past decade, but we all know we still have a very long way to go. In an extremely polarized and divided political scene, LGBTQ+ issues become a focal point of the debates and it’s easy to overlook the actual people who are just trying to live their normal lives. As the general population becomes more and more accepting of LGBTQ+ people (recent Gallup polls show that over 60% of Americans say gay and lesbian relations are morally acceptable 1), anti-LGBTQ+ legislation and rhetoric is running rampant, especially when it comes to trans issues.
So that’s the context that our beautiful LGBTQ+ children are living in, and in spite of everything, they have the courage to say “This is who I am whether you like it or not.” Isn’t that what all parents want, at the end of the day? To raise resilient, brave children who are confident enough to be themselves and follow their hearts, no matter how much others try to bring them down?
Watching a child on their coming out journey blossom into the incredible person they were always meant to be is one of the most inspiring experiences of being a parent.
It puts some of the other anxieties and problems of parenting into perspective
Parenting is hard. Full stop. It doesn’t matter if your child is LGBTQ+ or cisgender heterosexual, it’s just hard! These days, it’s hard to avoid the anxieties and worries that come with being a parent. It has never been easy to parent, but social media and the internet certainly don’t help. We’ve got lots of reasons to be anxious and concerned about our kids’ futures that are perfectly valid, but are also constantly pulling us away from the present moment.
For some parents, learning their child is LGBTQ+ is actually an excellent reminder of what really matters in life. Whatever your child’s experience if coming out, this journey offers moments of deeper connection with your child that transcend the chaos of our everyday lives.
Focusing on loving and accepting your child for who they are takes some of the weight away from messy rooms and less-than-stellar report cards. At the end of the day, what do we want for our children? It’s easy to forget in between soccer games, running errands, homework help, birthday parties, doctors appointments, etc.
We are grateful for our LGBTQ+ children for reminding us that life is short and there’s no time like the present to appreciate and nourish the precious relationships we have in our lives.
Having an LGBTQ+ child can deepen your relationship with God
This one might seem a little counterintuitive, as many parents of LGBTQ+ children struggle with finding their place in their communities of faith. That initial struggle, however, often gives way to a more authentic understanding of church, religion, God, community, and everything else that goes along with that.
Families who are in churches that reject LGBTQ+ people outright sometimes have a very difficult choice to make about leaving their community, but are often surprised how many supportive churches there are out there when you actually start looking. Parents who once believed that being LGBTQ+ was a sin find themselves looking deeper. They do their own reading about the theology that underpins all of these beliefs, and end up with a more nuanced, compassionate, and loving understanding of faith that not only makes room for their child but embraces them wholeheartedly.
My love for my child motivates me to take action for positive change
For many of us, going to a Pride Parade or speaking out against anti-LGBTQ+ legislation would have been the furthest things from our mind before our child came out. It’s easy to sit on the sidelines when you believe you don’t have any skin in the game.
That’s why we’re grateful that our children inspire us to do what we can to make the world a better place for them and for all LGBTQ+ people. Whether it’s something small, like inviting my children’s friends over for dinner, or big, like joining an advocacy group, everything we do takes us one step closer to a future where our children can be themselves without fear of discrimination.
This Thanksgiving and the whole month of November, take some time to reflect on what makes you grateful for your LGBTQ+ child. We encourage you to write it down, maybe share it in a letter with your child, or share it with your relatives around the table during the holidays. These positive messages will have a lasting impact on your child and help them feel loved and seen.
Sources
- Same-Sex Relations, Marriage Still Supported by Most in U.S., Gallup 2024
- Family Stories, Strong Family Alliance